Volusia Politics: The Education of Ed Kelley

And I thought I was the biggest windbag in Volusia County. . .

On Thursday, I caught part of the first County Council meeting of 2017.

In all honesty, I waited until the coronations were complete.  There are certain things my old tum-tum just can’t handle anymore – like Nachos Bell Grande and political acceptance speeches.

They repeat on me something terrible.

But, hey, it’s a new day – I get it – and by all accounts everyone who is anyone is extremely positive about the state of county government going forward.

There’s something about a swearing-in ceremony that drips optimism, and I see why most people get caught up in the cheerful pageantry and infectious enthusiasm of the moment.

Unfortunately, I no longer possess those emotions.

The sanguine part of my cerebral cortex has been scoured away by the near constant assault of open depravity and gutter sleaze that is Volusia County politics.  Sometimes I feel like the character in that M. Night Shyamalan film who see’s dead people – except, my sixth sense is the ability to perceive political horseshit.

Talk about a nightmare.

Like many of you, on Thursday I was hoping against hope that newly seated Chairman Ed Kelley would live up to the hype, courageously take the reins in his teeth, and seize control of these runaway meetings, as he promised.

In fact, I was giddy as a kipper as I anxiously waited to see Eddie finally bring county manager Jim Dinneen to heel, then publicly castigate him for orchestrating those exorbitant annual pay increases (like he promised).

And who among us didn’t light-headedly mince about the room, eagerly anticipating the exact moment Chairman Kelley would unlimber his gavel and curb the cheap political pap and fluff that has historically made these meetings so interminably long (like he promised)?

Finally, after years of stagnation and open dysfunction, the power brokers had bestowed upon us a strong, decisive statesman to provide the stewardship we, the unwashed masses, so richly deserve.

As Steinbeck observed, “The world was spinning in greased grooves.”

Now that Big Ed’s in the catbird’s seat, things are gonna change, baby!

Then, suddenly, everything went sideways.

Like watching the ball skip through Buckner’s knees.

I sat in stunned silence as our own Rip Van Winkle of county politics, “Sleepy Pat” Patterson – in an unusually animated moment (and by animated, I mean like the woozy groans of Frankenstein’s monster in an electric storm) – put the absolute smack down on Mr. Kelley, right out of the chute.

During a drawn-out exchange between Mr. Patterson and County Attorney Dan Eckert regarding the infinitesimal details of exactly which events and functions council members would be reimbursed for out-of-pocket expenses – Chairman Kelley finally saw the opportunity to flex his new muscles and explained to Sleepy Pat that he had droned on entirely too long.

Let’s head ’em up and move ’em out.  Time’s a-wastin’.

“I heard the answer twice.  Let’s move on,” Chairman Kelley asserted.

What a ballsy move, I thought, as I hunched closer to the monitor.

Then, Mr. Patterson – no doubt anxiously waiting for this very moment – suddenly transmogrified into this horribly indignant Werewolf-like creature, sprouted blood-tinged fangs, and seethed at the visibly recoiling Chairman, “That’s Rude.  You’re here to run a meeting – not sit here and shut council member’s discussions down.”

 Whoa.

In other words, “Know your role – and quit interrupting.  Traditionally, the Chair sits there quietly and entertains himself by playing with the shiny buttons on his vest.  Get with the program.”

Our once proud trailblazer was left sputtering and apologizing for his insolent behavior like some doddering old fool who just spilled his soup and made a mess.

In the end, Eddie assured us – and Mr. Patterson – that his boorish outbursts won’t happen again.

But it wasn’t over.

When he was done politely disemboweling the chairman – Mr. Patterson’s tag team partner, our new Vice Chair, Deb Deny’s, continued to publicly spank Kelley like a recalcitrant child during her remarks.

In her typical slightly exasperated, yet infinitely self-important style, Deny’s gave Ed one last throat punch, “This isn’t the Ormond Beach City Commission, with all due respect.”

Meaning, “You’re not in tiny town anymore, Dorothy.  Welcome to the NFL – now get your head out of your ass and follow our lead.”

 Deny’s then joined her fellow council members in a long-winded discussion on when it is appropriate to have discussions, exactly what should be discussed, and when, and why some discussions should be held in a workshop – while other discussions should be held at the end of the regular meeting.

As discussions go, it was quite a discussion.

It also served the purpose of publicly tamping the dirt down on Ed Kelley’s aspirations to shorten county council meetings.

Fortunately, throughout the tut-tutting from the seats of power, we had Mr. Dinneen on hand to explain to us – and the council members themselves – exactly what each of them were trying to say, as though they had been speaking in some obscure Bantu dialect.

Weird.

But, Thank God, we have Little Jimmy to interpret.  That’s what you get for $375,000 annually.

He tells you what you want to hear.

Look, I understand there’s a learning curve.  I mean, Chairman Kelley has only been participating in or presiding over public meetings for, well, the past eight-years.

So, let’s cut him a break.  Okay?

And Councilwoman Heather Post, too.

God Bless her.  She crackled and popped through “you know, ah” her first meeting with a relatively good showing.  Probably just first-time jitters.

I’m sure she will find her way – as we all do.

I, for one, am pulling for her.

So, let’s all just calm down.  Eventually, someone on the dais will find a way to fill the leadership void left in the smoldering remains of Ed Kelley’s best intentions.

And if not, we always have Jim Dinneen to lead us deeper down the garden path. . .

3 thoughts on “Volusia Politics: The Education of Ed Kelley

  1. Mark,
    It appears to me that the political triumvirate of Hosseni, France and Brown has played their cards and have just the right amount of naivety (Post) and good ol’ fashion in-fighting (Patterson and Kelley) to make a carpetbagger during Reconstruction smile…hold on folks..it’s show time!!

    Gus

    Like

  2. I listened to the meeting as well and was saddened but not surprised. I recently sent an email to all members of the County Council. I thought the idea of having a local chartered government was to give the citizens it was designed to serve a voice in what was going to happen in their community and with their tax dollars. I must have hit a bad nerve with some of the members of the Council because I only received replies back from Chair Kelley and Councilman Lowry. I was most disappointed with Councilwoman Heather Post who is my district representative for not at least acknowledging that she received the email.

    I predict there will be little if any change. The County Council will continue to take our money from us, basically by force, and give it away to billion dollar corporations, for profit universities, so called economic development organizations, and varies charitable interest around the county lead by the rich and connected. The County Government will continue to make our charitable giving decisions for us. There will be little done to save tax dollars, such as cutting out the give-a-ways. ECHO dollars will continue to be squandered with little if any accountability. There will be tax increases to support road improvements, the crazy train called SunRail, Votran, a homeless shelter, pay increases, and equipment for the Sheriff’s Office. NO CUTS…JUST TAKE TAKE TAKE…AND NO VOICE FOR THE AVERAGE JOE…

    I feel public safety and infrastructure that serves all citizens, not special roads to malls and roads to subdivisions, should be the County’s first priority. If you want to attract businesses, without paying them off with tax dollars, and tourist you must have a safe environment with a sound and viable infrastructure. I am in agreement, there is a need for a homeless shelter but I do not want to see some religious charity involved. Keep it simple and the County should build it and run it as a division of the County Jail. The County Jail already has food service, laundry services, and staffing. Non-profits can be involved with counselling, medical, rehab, and placement services. Without a less costly basic homeless shelter we end up paying much more when the homeless are housed as inmates. Enough already get it done. I agree public safety professionals should be compensated competitively, after all the highest ranks in the County’s hierarchy are paid very well in comparison to others in their fields. However the County needs to get their business in order first before asking for more of our money. There should be NO more give-a-ways and SunRail needs to be stopped in Debary. The overtime at the Sheriff’s Department should be cut out by adding deputies where needed and as Sheriff Chitwood has planned using civilians in place of deputies where applicable at the courthouses and in other areas of his operation. Pushing for residential growth and helping finance more retail activities is a ridiculous proposition. Residential growth almost always causes local taxes to increase and requires the utilization of more water. Residential growth will happen on its own and it should be made to fund its self. Supporting a mall that is only going to take business from your existing mall is just plain dumb. The new mall would have been built without giving our tax dollars away to support it. I, and I am sure many others, feel if there are cuts made, there is some restructuring done, and the give-a-ways are ended much can be done before taxes need to be raised. But who am I? I am not rich or well connected. I do not even get a reply from most of our elected leaders when I send an email.

    I ended the emails I sent to members of the County Council with this – Please remember…Everyone who speaks out is not just a “Grumpy Old Person” or a “Naysayer”…I am not of the opinion that everything the County does is bad, I simply see room for improvement and NO ONE can convince me there is not a small elite class in this County who tend to overwhelmingly influence the discourse and decision making. It would be nice to see that change.

    Thanks for being a voice Mark….

    Keith L Chester

    Like

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