Hi, kids!

It’s time once again to turn a jaundiced eye toward the newsmakers of the day – the winners and losers – who, in my cynical opinion, either contributed to our quality of life, or detracted from it, in some significant way.

Let’s look at who tried to screw us – and who tried to save us – during the week that was:

Asshole           Deltona Commissioner Tom Burbank

“I’ve traveled the world, I’m uncommonly well-educated and have had two successful careers. I’ve been a Squad Leader, a Supervisor, a Manager, a Director, a Chairman, and now I’m a Tribal Elder. Given that, I like to think I’m a fair judge of people. On the subject of Nick James Lulli I offer the following personal impressions:

IMHO…The man (I use the term loosely) is: A tool, a sycophant, a wannabe, a stooge (too diminutive to be a goon), a puppet, a kiss-ass, ingratiating, obsequious, an apple polisher, a parasite, mealy mouthed, a brown-noser, more follower than leader, a bottom feeder, a remora, a leech, (probably) an impulsive liar, in prison terms…somebody’s wet-butt boy.

I’ve run out of pejorative adjectives. I don’t get to use them much as I normally give people the benefit of doubt.

He claims to be a marketing professional and communication expert, and yet has no website to peruse. He accepts fees for his work and yet I can find no record of his having a business license.

He may have one, we’re looking into it.

The notion that anybody would elect him to lead is beyond comprehension. Tb”

–Deltona District 1 Commissioner Tom Burbank’s unprovoked cyberbullying following resident Nick Lulli’s announcement that he is exploring a run for the District 6 seat in 2024

Yeah.  Him again.

Every time I read that hurtful and homophobic diatribe from the sanctimonious shitheel Tom Burbank – the vitriol directed at a civically active resident considering a run for elective service – it makes my blood boil. 

Fortunately, I am not alone.

The parade of passionate Deltona citizens who approached their elected officials on Monday evening to condemn Commissioner Burbank’s vicious attack on a private citizen spoke to the true character of a community under siege by their own elected representatives – and the depth of dysfunction and idiocy that continues to destroy public confidence in Deltona government.

I was particularly moved by the fervent plea of one resident who challenged the remainder of Deltona’s elected officials to file individual complaints with the Florida Commission on Ethics over Burbank’s hateful smear – or be considered complicit in this abhorrent behavior. 

After facing a barrage of criticism from his angry constituents, in my view, the fact that Mr. Burbank did not have the moral courage to resign and put an end to the embarrassment and distraction that his vicious attack has caused the City of Deltona tells us all we need to know about his sense of honor, personal integrity, and political loyalties. 

To add insult, during subsequent comments from the dais, Commissioner Burbank – mockingly wearing a rainbow shirt – dodged responsibility and gaslighted his shocked constituents:

“To anybody in the audience or the viewing audience who I may have been offended, by assuming my comments were meant to be homophobic, nothing could be further from the truth.  I had no idea when I wrote that that the target of my ire swung that way, I really didn’t.”

You read that right.  It’s your own damn fault for assuming – not his.

Ultimately, Mayor Santiago Avila followed his conscience – and the palpable sense of outrage in the room – when he relinquished the gavel and moved to censure Commissioner Burbank as an official (if inconsequential) expression of the elected body’s collective condemnation of the shame and disrepute his actions have brought to the community. 

(All while Deltona’s lame duck City Attorney Marsha Segal-George babbled from the sidelines about the potential legal liability of doing the right thing.  Marsha, Marsha, Marsha…)

To say it was the least they could do is an understatement.

The measure passed on a 6-1 vote with Commissioner Burbank still refusing to acknowledge or atone for his bigotry.   

Unbelievable.

Considering the scathing rebuke of his neighbors – and loss of confidence by both constituents and colleagues – what’s keeping Burbank on the dais of power? 

In the past week, disturbing information has been made public that in 2009, Mr. Burbank resigned his employment as a Planner II with the City of Deltona following a written reprimand, a documented series of “performance-related concerns,” to include his defamation of the Planning and Development Services Department in front of staff and members of the public.

Which makes me curious…

Is it possible that Mr. Burbank’s soiled reputation as a failed low-level paper-pusher – an incompetent do-nothing with a high opinion of himself who accepted public funds then failed to meet acceptable standards – left him holding a grudge against the community who had a right to expect more?   

Is that what motivates Commissioner Burbank to viciously punch down from his position of power? 

Does that explain his unprovoked aggression, self-aggrandizement, and abject arrogance? 

I’m asking. 

Because I’ll be damned if I can find another logical explanation (other than pathological hatred) for his repugnant dehumanization of a private citizen.

My hope is that the good citizens of Deltona will reject the timid response of their now compromised elected officials and demand accountability – continue to press for Commissioner Burbank’s resignation – or initiate recall procedures as specified in the city charter and state statutes. 

In my view, this is not a free speech issue.

Burbank’s bullying – especially when used as a cudgel by a sitting elected official to scare a citizen away from participating in our sacred democratic process – carries ramifications far beyond the fetid pit of Deltona politics. 

Frankly, the use of cyberbullying as a means of coercing a potential candidate should pique the interest of the Florida Commission on Ethics, the Florida Elections Commission, and any state or federal agency tasked with protecting civil rights.

During a week that saw disgusting antisemitic propaganda distributed throughout Volusia County by nameless cowards – bigoted scum who spew lies, hate, and promulgate prejudice – craven acts that have been roundly condemned by local law enforcement and conscientious elected leaders – emphasizes the fact that Mr. Burbank’s hateful debasement of a private citizen has no place in civil society.   

Where is the public condemnation by the Deltona Professional Fire Fighters Union who promoted Burbank’s candidacy?

Where is the outrage from our local legislative delegation?

In my view, enflamed Deltona residents are right.  When it comes to hate speech and vile political coercion – silence is complicity.    

Angel               East ISB Coalition

“I might in process of time (although I now found it impossible) renew life where death had apparently devoted the body to corruption.”

—Dr. Victor Frankenstein, 1818

Throughout my professional life in law enforcement, my colleagues and I often used morbid humor as a psychological salve – a way of making sense of the nonsensical – of alleviating trauma and easing the shock of man’s inhumanity to man.

I’ve kept many of those inappropriate coping skills in retirement.

For instance, I make fun of the asinine machinations of local government and the drone of misplaced “positivity” from politicians and our hospitality gurus who must know better, yet insist taxpayers deny that which we see with our own eyes.

I have perversely joked that each year around this time, our ‘powers that be’ develop a weird dissociative amnesia – which allows them to traverse the abject blight, dilapidation, and human carnage that populates what passes for the gateway to our core tourist area on their way to the haughty State of the County address at the Ocean Center – where they nosh on a “free lunch” provided by government contractors and ignore the obvious as they toot their own horns…

How can civic “leaders” gather smack in the middle of this neglect and decrepitude and not be moved to tears by nearly three-decades of civic inaction?

Mindboggling…

Now, after years of panel discussions, coffee klatches, standing room only “Town Hall” meetings, News-Journal exposés, “public visioning” sessions, FDOT presentations, catchy videos, colorful renderings of luxury apartments, talk of a loop-de-loop at the busiest beach approach in Volusia County – and lots of hot air from every Chamber of Commerce president in recent memory – there is a glimmer of light in the darkness, and we may finally see substantive movement on the long-awaited East ISB improvement project. 

Stop laughing at me, dammit… 

I’m being serious here. 

Last week, in an informative piece by reporter Eileen Zaffiro-Kean writing in The Daytona Beach News-Journal, we learned:   

“On Friday morning, 13 years after the idea was conceived, those dozens of leaders who refused to let the street makeover die celebrated the start of what will be a roughly 17-month reinvention of the city’s main gateway to the beach.

“We never gave up,” said ISB Coalition Chair Maryam Ghyabi-White, who’s been a major force in several Daytona Beach road projects.”

According to the report, work on the estimated $30 million project is set to begin in April and should wrap in “summer” 2024.

“The project will widen East ISB between the Halifax River bridge and State Road A1A to create enough space for wider traffic lanes on the four-lane road, 5-foot-wide bicycle lanes between the bridge and Halifax Avenue, a 6-foot-wide sidewalk headed westbound, and a 10-foot-wide sidewalk headed eastbound.”

All kidding aside, in my view, none of this would have been possible without the dedication, perseverance, and organizational skills of the incredibly smart traffic engineer Maryam Ghyabi-White – who has the unique ability to bring massive egos together and mold a common vision – while making each entity feel it was their idea all along.

That’s no easy task.    

So, what comes next? 

Damned if I know.  But concrete and asphalt can only do so much.

I have a long-held belief that any substantive change to our decaying core tourist area will come from entrepreneurial investment – like the recent efforts of Dr. Charles Duva to improve the look and feel of the disastrous East International Speedway Boulevard with his restaurant and entertainment venue Beaches – visionaries willing to bring their talents and money to transform the current pattern despite what must be their best instincts to run west.

That requires a high level of support from local government, residents, and the business community to establish an attractive environment for private investors – innovators with the right set of eyes – who see beyond the blight, vacancy, and dilapidation to the potential of our beleaguered beachside.

In Daytona Beach, perhaps that means keeping the stagnant “economic development” types on a short leash – demand that they get out of the way – and stop the bureaucratic meddling and asinine obstacles that have driven many successful enterprises to other communities. 

Unfortunately, beachside merchants from the Seabreeze Entertainment District to Main Street and the East ISB Gateway, have long been ignored and maligned by city and county officials – victimized by blame-shifting and made to feel like an afterthought – while millions in public funds were wasted, incumbered, or lavished elsewhere. 

In my view, it is time to reverse that grim trend, develop a much-needed vision for our core tourist area, and begin the important (and expensive) process of rehabilitating the Daytona Beach Resort Area’s tattered brand. 

Now, let the progress begin! 

Happy Days are Here Again!  Again!

Hell, even Daytona Beach’s effusive Mayor Derrick Henry was struck dumb by the momentous occasion.

According to the News-Journal’s report:

“Moments like this are so good, so magnificent and so glorious that I was left without words to describe what a great day this is,” Henry said as he looked out at the crowd that included FDOT officials, city commissioners, business leaders, attorneys, city staff members and local residents.

The mayor said the city has wanted to improve East ISB for 20 years, but needed state funding to move forward. He thanked “the partners who helped Daytona Beach reach its destiny.”

Henry said the city needs to ride the momentum of the project and chase after more dreams.

“We never want to flatline,” he said. “The best is yet to come.”

Wow.  “Destiny.”  Goosebumps, eh?

Come-on you dream chasers in city and county government! 

Ride the momentum, dammit!

Let the East ISB renovation be the Frankenstein’s Plasma Ion Generator that reanimates the decomposing corpse of our beachside – returning decades of civic asystole to a normal and vibrant sinus rhythm! 

Would you please stop snickering at me?  Geez Louise!

O’ ye, of little faith… 

Just stop – don’t give me your maudlin bullshit about “…we’ve heard it all before, Barker.” 

Didn’t you see all the right last names gather for the ceremonial groundbreaking last week? 

Pictures were taken! 

They even had those goofy golden shovels and cartoon hardhats…if that doesn’t say ‘progress,’ I don’t know what does! 

After 20-years, we have finally reached our destiny – Mayor Henry said so!

You Negative Nellies.  Just wait and see…

Angel               Tomoka Oaks Residents

“I tell ya, golf courses and cemeteries are the biggest wastes of prime real estate.”

–Al Czervik, Caddyshack

Despite the pleas of their claustrophobic constituents, the chaunt of those elected officials that owe their political souls to the largesse of well-heeled developers who invest heavily in their campaign is: “If you’re not growing, you’re dying.” 

That also happens to be the survival strategy of a malignant tumor…

But here in the Sunshine State – arguably the biggest whorehouse in the world – unchecked greed knows no bounds and the justifications for this orgy of overdevelopment just don’t hold water anymore (literally).    

Now, developers routinely ramrod insane zoning changes that allow as many zero-lot-line wood frame cracker boxes per acre as possible by claiming it is their God-given right – then threaten crippling legal action against any local government who challenges the Devine Right of Kings.    

Bullshit.

With many areas on the Fun Coast reaching build-out – and more subdivisions being thrown up so close to environmentally sensitive areas that even those who once supported “responsible development” are repulsed – the real Al Czerviks of the world have set their sights on shoehorning more, more, more onto what was once the primary amenity of many Central Florida communities: Golf courses.

Recently, some 250 residents of the long-established Tomoka Oaks community attended “developer-initiated meetings” to learn the fate of their quality of life as plans move forward to erect 300 homes on their former golf course.  

You read that right. 

In 2021, it was announced that a local “investor group” purchased the former Tomoka Oaks Golf & Country Club with plans for what some are calling a ‘development within a development’ – something that longtime residents believe will drastically change the character and livability of the established community. 

Now, existing homeowners in Tomoka Oaks, The Trails, and nearby Escondido Condominiums are rightfully concerned about the adverse impact of additional traffic and increased density on their daily lives and property values. 

Sound familiar?  It should.

In 2021, angry residents of Indigo Lakes in Daytona Beach pushed back against a proposal to develop single-family homes, townhouses, offices, light industrial space and a senior living facility on the now defunct 250-acre golf course that winds its way through their neighborhood.

Last year, despite some 20 months of intense opposition, the City of DeLand voted to allow a residential development on a contaminated former golf course and dump site known as Beresford Reserve.

In December, residents of LPGA International learned that Virginia-based Fore Golf Partners LLC, who has owned the two 18-hole courses since 2019, has plans to turn the golf community’s three-hole practice course into 154 single-family homes and 40 townhouses – all west of that Monument to Mediocrity that is the two-lane Tomoka River pinch point…

Fortunately, some visionary communities in Florida and beyond – who understand that once you pave over green space you never get it back – are purchasing and repurposing shuttered golf courses, turning them into public parks, trails, orchards, equestrian centers, community gathering space, outdoor fitness areas, and stormwater retention systems.  

But not here.

While the Tomoka Oaks project meanders through the planning stages – I encourage all residents of Ormond Beach and beyond to follow developments closely. 

If you have tried to crawl your way along Granada Boulevard – or (insert any area roadway here) – imagine the horrific impact of some six hundred additional cars entering and exiting the fray at Tomoka Oaks Boulevard…

Yeah.  I know.   

For additional information, please go to: https://tomokaoakshistory.com/join-us/

Quote of the Week

“At-Large Councilman Jake Johansson, who voted in favor of the ordinance, said the changes would help young couples buy an acre, start with a modest mobile home and upgrade to better housing over the years.

“I know the picture that some are painting that a mobile home might be this single-wide tin thing with tarps over the porch and some person with no teeth trying to cook a burger out back, when in fact my parents lived in a very nice double-wide mobile home that was better than any home I first lived in,” he said. “So I think it’s all a matter of who your neighbor is.”

–At-Large Volusia County Councilman Jake Johansson, as quoted in The Daytona Beach News-Journal, “Volusia Council OKs mobile home site expansion,” Thursday, February 23, 2023

I find it fascinating (and more than a little frightening) when we get a glimpse into the minds and internal deliberative process of our elected officials… 

On Tuesday, the Volusia County Council voted 6-1 to expand areas where mobile homes are permitted in what we are told is a move to increase affordable housing opportunities.   

According to the News-Journal’s report, “Councilman David Santiago was the lone vote against the proposal. He raised concerns about unintended consequences such as impacts on property values. He said he is an affordable housing advocate but didn’t think the ordinance was the right way to go about it. “I think we should resharpen our pencils and look for other options, Santiago said.”

I don’t know how to break it to Councilman Santiago, but in a place where gross rent now tops $1,148 a month – with a per capita monthly income of just $2,685 – it’s going to take a pretty sharp pencil to keep a roof over many of his constituent’s heads…

The move now opens 51,883 acres in Volusia County to mobile homes as primary housing across a variety of rural and agricultural zoning categories.

And Another Thing!

I want to publicly commend Volusia County Councilman Troy Kent for valiantly championing the cause of dog-friendly beaches for area residents beyond driving to New Smyrna Beach or Ponce Inlet.

He did it for the right reasons, and I appreciate that.

Then, I want to commiserate with my fellow Fun Coast taxpayers…

The fact is, none of this affects me, because I no longer visit Volusia County beaches. 

Why? 

I’ve had my last run-in with officious beach wardens with beards, short pants, and a God-complex.

The fear of being slapped in irons for smoking a Marlboro.

The fact I can no longer access the stairs I helped pay for north of North Shore Park due to the phalanx of “No Parking” signs that have sprouted like foul weeds in traditional beachside parking areas along A-1-A all the way to the Flagler County line (while unchecked high-rise development is permitted on the crumbling dune line elsewhere…)

I prefer to not render unto Caesar twice.  Once in my property taxes, and again at the tollbooth.

That’s why. 

I’m not a huge fan of being lorded over by the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker, and I don’t care for my government regulating otherwise lawful activities – nuisances and practices that can easily be alleviated with a modicum of courtesy and commonsense rather than another ordinance (and corresponding signage, staff, etc.) – like picking up after your dog, packing your trash off the beach at the end of the day, and being a good neighbor and citizen.  

I also question Volusia County’s patented kneejerk response to any wrinkle in the stagnant status quo that immediately requires expanding the bloated bureaucracy by hiring additional staff to write citations whenever a resident or visitor misses one the thousands of “do this/don’t do that” signs, poles, and cones that litter the coastline.   

Look, this issue has been rehashed time-and-again, with previous iterations of the council opting for the path of least resistance and further overregulating a day at the beach.

So, why not try something different? 

Why is it that dog-friendly areas work in destinations across the globe, but not here on Florida’s Not-So-Fun Coast? 

Hell, why is it that nothing about our godawful beach management scheme seems to work here?  

I mean, do they fear the ramifications to Volusia County’s iron-fisted (and incredibly expensive) control if We, The Little People start enjoying ourselves on our greatest natural resource? 

God forbid.

As in years past, no one is asking that roaming packs of vicious curs be allowed carte blanche across all 47-miles of Volusia’s Atlantic coastline – just a few designated and properly regulated areas in coastal communities where pet owners can enjoy the beach with their fur babies.  

On Tuesday, following a three-hour discussion (yeah, I know) our elected representatives directed staff to prepare “options” (hold on to your wallets) for a test site at Bicentennial Park on the North Peninsula. 

According to an informative report by Sheldon Gardner writing in The Daytona Beach News-Journal:

“Staff members will bring back options for the test program at the March 21 council meeting, including possible user fees for dog owners. The meeting will begin at 4 p.m. If plans advance, the council is expected to have a formal vote to establish the program at a following meeting.”

Wait.  “User fees for dog owners”? 

CHA-CHING!

“Volusia County dog owners, COME ON DOWN!  You’re the next contestant in this weird game of Tax-Fees-Spend-Repeat!”

My God.  Will those fee-grabbing parasites in DeLand ever stop? 

Seriously.

According to the News-Journal report, “The county will consider adding a new staff member to oversee the dog beach area, along with related equipment and services such as trash pickup and waste bags.”

So, there you go.  Volusia County’s unofficial motto in action: “Give with one hand – take more with the other.” 

One bright spot in the tedium came when Halifax area philanthropists and dog lovers Nancy and Lowell Lohman “…offered to donate $100,000 to help get the test program off the ground.”

Unfortunately, it’s not that easy. 

Because this is how the bureaucracy exterminates the good ideas and campaign promises of our elected representatives by making implementation so onerous, expensive, and cumbersome that no politician in their right mind could vote to approve the costly end product.

It’s called the tail wagging the dog – and it will continue until the exact second our elected officials look County Manager George “The Wreck” Recktenwald in the eye and demand he better manage his massive existing resources to accomplish goals and implement policy. 

My God.

More staff.  More regulation.  More equipment.  More signs.  More, more, more… 

Whether you agree with dog-friendly sections of beach or not – just know it’s not about you.

It’s not about any of us. 

It is about shoveling more of our hard-earned cash into the maw of this insatiable machine by any means possible.    

That’s all for me.  Have a great weekend, y’all!