Hi, kids!

It’s time once again to turn a jaundiced eye toward the news and newsmakers of the day who, in my cynical opinion, either contributed to our quality of life or detracted from it in some significant way…

Florida Department of Environmental Destruction

“Now, of course, having failed in every attempt to subdue the Glades by frontal attack, we are slowly killing it off by tapping the River of Grass. In the questionable name of progress, the state in its vast wisdom lets every two-bit developer divert the flow into drag-lined canals that give him “waterfront” lots to sell. As far north as Corkscrew Swamp, virgin stands of ancient bald cypress are dying. All the area north of Copeland had been logged out, and will never come back. As the glades dry, the big fires come with increasing frequency. The ecology is changing with egret colonies dwindling, mullet getting scarce, mangrove dying of new diseases born of dryness.”

–Travis McGee, Bright Orange for the Shroud, by John D. MacDonald (1965)

You can’t make this shit up, folks….  

In a conspiratorial plot that would have made for a good John D. MacDonald novel – a bizarre mystery that could only play out amidst the insider intrigue and political machinations of the Sunshine State – the Florida Department of Environmental Protection recently proposed developing golf courses, pickleball courts, disc golf, and a 350 room “lodge” at eight state parks – including a disastrous plan that would have seen the addition of three golf courses across 1,000 acres of natural habitat at Jonathan Dixion State Park in Hobe Sound.

You read that right.

Last week, FDEP issued a strange media release announcing the “2024-25 Great Outdoors Initiative” – an enigmatic program with the stated aim of “…public access, increase outdoor activities and provide new lodging options across Florida’s state parks—reinforcing the state’s dedication to conservation, the outdoor recreation economy and a high quality of life for Floridians.”

I hate to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but one could assume this absurd plan was cobbled together for the sole purpose of allowing Florida lawmakers to cloak themselves as “environmentalists” in opposing the preposterous proposal without doing anything of substance beyond crowing in the newspaper, “I strongly oppose bulldozing pristine conservation lands in state parks for commercial development – and I like ice cream!”

At least that would make a modicum of sense. 

What defies logic is dropping this steaming pile on an unsuspecting public with no prior notice or discussion, an official announcement that galvanized citizens and politicians alike, resulting in widespread outrage with few details or explanation.     

In fact, FDEP has done what no one thought possible in uniting Republicans and Democrats in bipartisan opposition as poleaxed lawmakers on both sides of the aisle joined forces to determine the who, what, when, where, and why of this wrongheaded initiative.

Initially, Florida residents were told FDEP would be holding a series of “question and answer” sessions across the state to address building concerns about the Great Outdoors Initiative.  Oddly, each of the public meetings was scheduled for the same inconvenient time – 3:00pm on Tuesday (?) 

The ill-conceived plot thickened when it was reported that none of the FDEP decision makers would appear at the meetings, listen to citizen concerns, or answer questions.  Instead, state officials substituted a “subject matter expert” in their place.    

Hummm… 

Then, The Florida Times Union reported on a leaked FDEP memorandum, explaining “…the Office of Park Planning was instructed to play pre-recorded presentations at these meetings, receive feedback and not answer questions — setting the stage for it to roll to approval next month.”

Caught with their pants firmly around their ankles, late last week FDEP officials postponed the meetings claiming, “due to the overwhelming interest” it was looking for new venues to accommodate the public.”

Sure.

In my view, Congressman Brian Mast of Florida’s 21^st District in Fort Pierce – a proponent of land conservation and protecting our water quality – said it best:

“I’m demanding that the Florida Department of Environmental Protection (FDEP) and its Acquisition and Restoration Council (ARC) hold an open and transparent public forum on this proposal. EVERY member of the ARC, who will be responsible for approving the proposal, needs to be in attendance. They need to hear from ALL OF US about why this asinine idea cannot move forward.

Right now, only a “subject matter” is slated to speak. I think that’s a huge middle finger to our community. Think about that? The ARC has the power to decide the fate of our park, but they don’t have the courage to meet eye-to-eye with the people who will actually be impacted.

I think that’s bullshit and I know YOU agree. That’s also why I’m urging you to email the ARC members directly and let them know how you feel.”

On Monday, as the bruhaha continued to build, a mysterious website appeared out of the ether representing something called the Tuskegee Dunes Foundation – an obscure organization whose stark black page explained “Serving God and Country is our daily goal. That was the spirit for the idea to bring world class public golf to south east (sic) Florida, and donate all proceeds to support military and first responders’ families” – before announcing they are scrapping the plan to develop golf courses at Jonathan Dixion State Park (described by the foundation as “a dilapidated military facility”). 

According to a report in The Palm Beach Post, “The Delaware-registered foundation said in a statement sent to The Palm Beach Post late Friday that the golf courses and other facilities would have told the “inspirational story of the Tuskegee Airmen, a group of African American military pilots and airmen who fought in World War II.”       

Wait.  What?

By Wednesday, Gov. DeSantis was back peddling, feebly attempting to paint the controversy as a partisan conspiracy, calling the idea “half-baked,” and claiming he “never saw” the plans before they were “…leaked to a left-wing group to try to create a narrative.”

“Here’s the thing, I’d rather not spend any money on this, right?” DeSantis said on Tuesday. “If people don’t want improvements, then don’t do it.”

Improvements? 

Really?

It seems the more Gov. DeSantis attempted to distance himself from the shitstorm, the more he became inextricably mired in it… 

Look, the practice of shadowy string pullers forcing self-serving ideas through the ‘halls of power’ in Tallahassee is nothing new, or particularly shocking, for calloused Florida residents who have learned through aversive conditioning to expect the worst whenever our sensitive environment is part of the equation. 

But this is different. 

Rarely is a state agency charged with protecting our threatened environment – in apparent collusion with Gov. Ron DeSantis – caught in flagrante delicto, actively engaging in such scandalous subterfuge in a brazen attempt to ramrod commercial development in pristine parks and conservation areas – places we were promised would be held, preserved, and protected in perpetuity.   

How can the Florida Department of Environmental Destruction ever be trusted again? 

My hope is with Florida lawmakers firmly united in their collective outrage, the legislature will assert its independence and ensure that those inside the DeSantis administration responsible for this travesty are identified and ultimately held to account for their reprehensible conduct. 

City of Flagler Beach and The Compass by Margaritaville Hotel

“Now most of the people who retire in Florida

are wrinkled and they lean on a crutch.

And mobile homes are smotherin’ the Keys;

Well I hate those bastards so much.

I wish a summer squall would blow them

all the way up to fantasyland.

They’re ugly and square, they don’t belong here.

They look a lot better as beer cans…”

–Jimmy Buffett, “Migration”

By official act of the Florida Legislature, today is “Jimmy Buffett Day” in Florida. 

A time to celebrate the singer/songwriter, author, and astronomically successful entrepreneur’s “free-spirited lifestyle” and significant contributions to our “state culture.” 

Whatever that ‘culture’ has become since Buffett’s company partnered with developers to sell those same retirees’ he once lamented cookie cutter zero lot line cracker boxes in faux “lifestyle” communities “starting in the 300’s…”

Genius.

Having grown up on the mystique, I find it sad that Jimmy Buffett’s “boats, beaches, bars, and ballads” legacy of escapism, coastal preservation, and environmental advocacy – a carefully crafted, and incredibly lucrative, image dedicated to the laidback way of life once embraced by Old Florida vestiges like Flagler Beach – has transmogrified into a series of high impact developments under license from the multi-billion-dollar global lifestyle brand Margaritaville Holdings – which, in my view, threaten the very way of life the hotels, resorts, and sprawling communities seek to replicate. 

In 2021, environmentalists in South Carolina asked local governments to enact stricter regulations after the developer of Latitude Margaritaville Hilton Head destroyed trees and churned more land to make room for 218 additional homesites.

Earlier this year, residents, biologists, and animal advocates in Galveston, Texas sought protection for the endangered ‘ghost wolf’ and other native species whose habitat is threatened by a Margaritaville Resort planned for the island.

In Flagler Beach, the Compass by Margaritaville Hotel, now coming to completion literally in the center of the once quaint beach community, was somehow permitted to rise beyond building height limits set by city charter. 

Huh.  Wonder how that happened?

According to recent reports, Flagler Beach City Manager Dale Martin, who came onboard after the project was approved, described the series of missteps that led to the oversight as a “mistake.”

Adding to the confusion were exceptions for certain protuberances, fixtures, and features that could allow buildings to exceed the height limit.

Apparently, an “error in oversight or interpretation” and “oversight collaboration issues or coordination issues” – administrative blunders that were signed off by staff and later approved by the City Commission – allowed the hotel to top out well beyond set height limits.   

Residents demanded answers – and assurance from their elected officials that this “mistake” could never happen again.

Last week, the Flagler Beach City Commission, meeting literally in the shadow of the hotel, put the kibosh on a weird recommendation that, rather than prevent a recurrence, would have memorialized what amounts to four story behemoths. 

In an informative article in FlaglerLive! this week, the City Commission rejected a “…recommendation by its own Planning and Architectural Review Board to approve an ordinance that would have allowed some features on buildings to go as high as 49 feet.”  

According to the report, “This isn’t anti business. This is anti Miami,” said Commissioner Eric Cooley, who led the charge against the planning board’s recommendation. “This is, let’s hold on to what we are, and let’s keep what we’ve done being consistent to avoid that. Because basically there’s no in between.”

Unfortunately, I think that “hold on to what we are” swayback nag has left the barn and is galloping headlong into turning Flagler Beach into just another homogenized version of some developer’s sick definition of “progress.”

Let’s hope I’m wrong. 

Seemingly shocked that city staff and the review board would seek to perpetuate the mistake that allowed the hotel to violate building standards, Mayor Patti King asked, “How did we create a new document or new language that’s going to prevent this from ever happening again?  I don’t understand what we’ve just done, other than make some pretty language.”

According to FlaglerLive!, next week a revised ordinance will return before the commission with regulations many hope solve the problem by prohibiting “…rooftop bars, dance floors, lounges, or any other public uses on 35-foot-high buildings in Flagler Beach, with the notable exception of the Margaritaville Hotel’s rooftop lounge, whose height city officials permitted by mistake even though it exceeds limits set out in the city charter.” 

According to a wise sage writing under the nom de plume “Flagler Frank” opined in FlaglerLive!:

“Commercial properties, especially those smack in the middle of town, should be scrutinized under a microscope, not given a free pass. These projects, which so drastically and carelessly alter the character and essence of our unique town, are a disgrace. It’s infuriating that not a single person bothered to carry out a proper assessment. This kind of negligence reeks of incompetence or, worse, deliberate disregard. What’s the point of preserving our town’s identity if it’s going to be sold out to the highest bidder without a second thought?”

I encourage everyone who cares about maintaining what remains of the unique character of Flagler Beach and beyond to read the FlaglerLive! piece here: https://tinyurl.com/4u5see9r

In my view, this is important local journalism – and a breathtaking insight into how things can go terribly wrong in a small-town government – a once quaint community which seems intent on sacrificing what makes it special on the altar of “progress.”

Political Campaign Encampments  

The week before the primary election, I took advantage of early voting at the Ormond Beach Public Library. 

In my experience, once inside the relative calm of the polling place, the mechanics of casting a ballot are comfortable and well-organized – it’s getting there that can be a problem…   

Walking through the parking lot always involves the uncomfortable hassle of juking and stiff-arming political firebrands who are maniacally waving signs in my face or jamming some skewed and unsolicited “voters’ guide” in my hand.     

Add to that the ill-tempered pushing, shoving, and profane verbal skirmishes between political camps and true believers on all sides and it can be a less-than-ideal environment, especially for the 80% of disenfranchised voters who already consider the process an aggravating annoyance.

Sound familiar?

I try to be polite, but courtesy and kindness never seem to work in this setting – an asphalt Thunderdome where candidates and their supporters in battledress t-shirts, fangs out, stake their ground and make ready to do hand-to-hand combat with the competition.

The parking area awash in cheap plastic tents and campaign signs, each blending into the other, forming a kaleidoscope of bright colors, names, and shapes that encircle the polling place like an impenetrable blockade – all based on a weird belief that their very proximity to the threshold could sway a vote or two.

Unfortunately, voters who are forced to navigate the gauntlet seem to be collateral damage… 

So, I screw on my best unapproachable scowl, pull my hat down low, and beeline it for the door.   

Let’s face it, politics is not without drama.  In fact, the system thrives on conflict.  

I’m convinced that many candidates enter the pressure cooker that is our political process not because of a fire in the belly to serve – but because they love the theatre of it all – the interpersonal clashes and contrived controversies, all fueled by a strange compulsion for shameless self-promotion, that makes it attractive. 

Admittedly, as a degenerate political voyeur, I can report the stilted process of governance can be bone crushingly boring – but it’s the farcical showmanship and abject narcissism that keeps me coming back for more…   

Recently, the Flagler County Commission tabled a discussion of a proposed year-round limitation on the use of chairs, tables, tents, coolers, and sound amplifiers on any county-owned property – a move that would include the circuslike atmosphere outside of polling stations during elections. 

Yeah, I know.  Pandora’s Box…

At the time, Flagler County Commissioner Andy Dance, who won re-election earlier this month in a decisive victory over Fernando Melendez, felt it inappropriate to consider the resolution during the heat of the election season.

According to a report by Sierra Williams writing in the Palm Coast Observer, “It could be interpreted to either counter people or activity. And I just prefer to be outside of those bounds,” Dance said.

The Flagler County Commission first reviewed the resolution on July 15. The original resolution included restrictions on “disruptive behavior” and some of the commissioners had concerns the language describing those restrictions was too subjective.”

The commission later agreed to remove the language governing behavior from the resolution.

Ultimately, the discussion devolved into all the reasons why regulations on political encampments outside polling places is not possible, to include First Amendment considerations and the safety of elderly campaigners who need respite from the Florida heat, etc.

I get it.  Perhaps that’s why I’m so terribly conflicted on the subject.   

Sweeping prohibitions to limit a few days of campaign chaos comes with myriad unintended consequences – all of which are counter to our freedom of assembly and expression – or ability to enjoy a family picnic on county-owned property…    

At the end of the day, the health of our American democracy depends upon productive conflict – the robust debate of issues and the fierce competition of ideas – tempered by our shared goals and ideals.

Yeah.  I know…

That’s an antiquated concept, now replaced by glossy mailers, vicious mudslinging, and “F**K You!” fights between petty politicians and their overzealous supporters in a steaming parking lot as civic-minded citizens make their way toward the sanctity of the ballot box and consider the damnable dilemma of electing these yahoos to high office…    

Quote of the Week

“County Councilman Don Dempsey — who was in favor of the Halifax Area and Southeast Volusia Advertising Authorities upping their budgeted funds for the airport, particularly to ensure Avelo continues to service DAB, in light of its departure from Melbourne Orlando International Airport — hoped that the council would support West Volusia’s budget remaining as presented. It’s the authority with the smallest budget.

“The airport’s an east side thing,” he said.

The budgets will come back to the council for review at its meeting on Sept. 17. They need to be approved prior to Oct. 1.”

–Volusia County Councilman Don Dempsey, as quoted by Jarleene Almenas writing in the Ormond Beach Observer, “Volusia County Council pushes for increased marketing efforts for Daytona Beach International Airport,” Thursday, August 22, 2024

I often think Councilman Don Dempsey blurts out this nonsensical gibberish just to infuriate those of us living east of the Palmetto Curtain…    

Is there another explanation? 

Several years ago, I pondered aloud in this space if our neighbors in West Volusia – quiet places like DeLand, with its award-winning downtown, university vibe, and hometown charm; or quaint communities like Pierson, Seville, Orange City, DeBary, Cassadaga, and Lake Helen, the bucolic DeLeon Springs, or even that flaming dumpster that is the Lost City of Deltona’s municipal government – feel burdened being lashed to the stagnation and strategic blight that blankets the core tourist area of Daytona Beach, the boom/bust cycle of invasive eastside “special events,” and the increasingly crowded “theme” communities and accompanying bumper-to-bumper gridlock along Boomtown Boulevard? 

I facetiously speculated if now is the time to cleave Volusia County into separate entities – using the traditional “Palmetto Curtain” as a line of demarcation, bisecting into two autonomous counties in some weird amoebozoan mitosis – rather than remain incestuous cousins, struggling under the thumb of that dysfunctional behemoth that is the ever-expanding Volusia County bureaucracy.   

Whatever.  Just my strange musings…               

But it seems every time either of the two West Volusia representatives on the Volusia County Council weigh in on an issue of collective importance, they preface it with “…that’s an east side problem,” or “…my constituents in Deltona don’t care what happens in Ormond Beach…”

Perhaps Councilmen Don Dempsey and David “No Show” Santiago have already seceded in their own minds?   

Or is it possible that Mr. Dempsey is so tragically obtuse that he believes Daytona Beach International Airport is exclusively an “east side thing”? 

I realize Councilman Dempsey is a single-issue politician – only interested in forcing a self-serving multi-million-dollar motocross track down the throats of every taxpayer in Volusia County regardless of which side of the divide you live on – but I find it difficult to believe that he could be that imperceptive and unaware? 

Not possible. 

Or is it? 

Look, I realize there are probably better uses for our fluctuating bed tax dollars than underwriting the marketing budget for those start-up carriers we keep attracting to DAB like blow-flies on a turd using “risk mitigation” incentives and corporate giveaways – but to suggest the other advertising authorities allocate a larger portion of their budgets to promoting the airport as a regional asset while exempting West Volusia doesn’t seem fair or equitable.

Afterall, we are repeatedly told, ad nauseum, how much Daytona “International” Airport benefits all of us – and even “No Show” Santiago agreed it should be an across-the-board assist, lecturing our hospitality experts, “We need all hands on deck with real, serious commitments to this airport,” County Councilman David Santiago said. “… We’re making significant investments as a council and I want to make sure that our partners are doing the same thing.”

In turn, Santiago essentially held the advertising authority’s hostage – moving to table the approval of their budgets in the last-minute – forcing the agencies to huddle and determine how to get more blood out of the turnip to increase allocations for the airport.

Although the motion passed unanimously, Chairman Jeff Brower said he was concerned about sending the authorities away without budget approvals with the new fiscal year looming, suggesting the council could have shown a “level of trust” by approving the budgets on a promise the advertising organizations would return with increased allocations for DAB.

“The concern I have (is) that we’re knocking on the door of Oct. 1” when the new fiscal year begins,” Brower said.

Believe me, Chairman Brower – there has never been a “level of trust” between Volusia County government and its residents, municipalities, or other tax supported agencies and districts.

And there never will be… 

Because, while Volusia County takes in enough of our hard-earned money annually to buy or build just about anything it desires – trust cannot be bought, it must be earned. 

And Another Thing!           

“We have to start tackling our infrastructure issues before we end up collapsing.”

–At-Large Volusia County Councilman Jake “Rip Van Winkle” Johansson, mumbling frightening truths apparently upon awakening from his long, insentient slumber, Tuesday, August 20, 2024

You’ve got to hand it to Councilman Johansson. 

Better late than never, I suppose…

I find it interesting that the Volusia County Council is quick to strongarm the various advertising agencies on how their life’s blood is allocated, all while taking a much more freewheeling view of how our ad valorum taxes are pissed away. 

Always wailing the “Poormouth Blues” when it comes to prioritizing critical infrastructure – the utilities, streets, water, sewage, and essential services they are responsible for – then pulling the Henny Penny routine – crying total “collapse!” – sounding the tocsin, and provoking panic long after their strategic neglect and inattention has allowed the problem to exceed critical mass.   

Each budget cycle, transportation, flood control, and other woefully inadequate civic necessities are considered extravagances – while Taj Mahal administrative facilities, bathroom renovations that cost more than my house, fee increases, luxury furnishings, bureaucratic bloat, and those clockwork salary and benefit increases for senior county officials seem mandated by ancient rite.

Last week, Councilman Danny Robins dropped his suggestion to raise our property tax rate to address emergent transportation infrastructure issues – a move that would have brought about $5 million into county coffers for roads – which, according to a previous estimate by County Manager George “The Wreck” Recktenwald, would equate to about one-mile of new roadway… 

You read that right.

Instead, after being named among the most dangerous places in the known universe for traffic crashes and pedestrian deaths, Volusia County will now allocate a paltry $3.9 million in left over one-time federal covid relief funds toward “road safety and pedestrian safety projects.”

Whatever that means. (Other than the American Rescue Plan Act will go down as the greatest boondoggle in our nation’s history…) 

Take comfort, my fellow pissants.  We’ve been assured that the Volusia County Council will hold another hot-air generator, er, “transportation workshop,” in January (after the election…) where you can bet your bottom tax dollar the specter of another shameless money-grab in the form of a panacea sales tax increase will be trotted out… 

The last arrow in their quiver of incompetence, neglect, and procrastination.

Now that our ‘powers that be’ have allowed unchecked sprawl across the width and breadth of Volusia County – the increased density turning our streets and roadways into a Gordian knot –We, The Little People are left with an unaddressed and intractable problem that has been ignored by our elected officials and those who command enormous salaries to trifle with “Growth and Resource Management” – resulting in a traffic-clogged quagmire that serves as a frustrating monument to mediocrity and continuing lack of accountability.

Don’t take my word for it.  Or theirs.   

Look around.  Better yet, take a drive, and form your own opinion.   

Ask yourself where the money goes? 

And why that insatiable behemoth in DeLand can’t seem to properly allocate the $1.3 billion of our hard-earned dollars they now command annually?    

Then vote like your quality of life depends upon it…

That’s all for me.  Have a happy and safe Labor Day weekend, y’all!